MotoGP Jerez The Semi-Series Report Cards...let's challenge physics

Debs: Welcome!! If you are still here following our report cards it means you are a bit of a masochist...
Mari: Deb, we can't say certain things!
Debs: in fact I was joking, it means that apparently we do our job well.
Mari: You're right, and this disturbs me a bit. Our foolishness is finally useful for something.
Debs: yes, and if we combine it with our engineering knowledge we can conquer the world!
Mari: ok, we're degenerating... how about we go back to the race?
Debs: yes, maybe it's better….

So, the premises are excellent already from qualifying, when 40 pilots out of 20 find themselves making unspeakable flights and endless falls (exact words of Dr. Costa) and to explore areas of the circuit never seen by the human eye.
The new qualification format nobody likes it: everyone is offended because they don't get a watch if they win pole and the drivers do everything they can to be outside the top 10 so as not to have to do the next session. To do it they try to smash the motorbike to the best of their ability, the company unfortunately only manages to Bradl, only to then discover that it has to turn anyway. At this point you decide that if you have to do something, do it well, and that if you really have to go all the way, you also have to do the QP2s, those reserved for the superfast ones. While Smith is already in the garage waiting to return to the track, proud of his first place, Stefan decides to take a left-handed shot at him and Esaprgarò who, having understood the German's intentions and aware that he is the one risking the exclusion, he engages the team (and his little brother) in a collective macumba which unfortunately is unsuccessful.
QP2 starts: the only one who really wants to do it, after risking his life to access it, is the German from the LCR team. Together with him also Iannone, who for once managed to qualify, decides to continue riding despite a knee shattered in a previous fall. The others, forced into the garage to cook in their overalls for a quarter of an hour while the other half of the grid rotated, are fed up and decide to get it over with as soon as possible.
Opens the dances Rossi, followed by Crutchlow who gets well buried in the sand, concluding the work of demolition begun the day before. Pedrosa it does even better: tries to break up in the box, just to avoid getting dusty on your suit and save yourself the trouble of having to walk back to the pitlane. The attempt fails because the omnipresent Puig catches it on the fly. Dani doesn't give up and lies down shortly after.
In the end, pole goes to Lorenzo, followed by Dani and Marquez.

Even if no one gets away with it, he is the winner of the race

Race day arrives.
The start gets off to a good start: Pedrosa, second on the grid, immediately takes the lead, but Lorenzo isn't willing and at the second corner he overtakes him convinced that he will be able to do his usual job as always, that is, stay ahead millions of km from second and finish the race when everyone else is still on lap 6. In the meantime there is a bit of a tussle behind Rossi and Marquez for third place, but the "newbie" has been threatened with no longer receiving his weekly allowance if he doesn't bring home at least a second place from Honda; since without pocket money we know, no beers, brings Rossi back to fourth place.
Behind Crutchlow (fifth), however, a disturbing green highlighter light begins to be seen which increases in intensity as the laps progress, so much so that Crutchlow is blinded and loses control of the bike a little. After two laps it turns out that he has been overtaken by Bautistasystem. ( Mari: pstt….Debs… Debs: Yes, tell me Mari: Haven't you been watching a few too many episodes of Fringe lately?)

At a certain point, cries of pain can be heard coming from the control room. Everyone thinks of a murder caused by the butler, but instead the cause of all this noise is Iannone's fall.
After a few laps Bradl he decides that he can't stand the green of Bautista's motorbike any longer: it's rude and hurts his eyes. Unable to get rid of the Spaniard, he commits suicide and ends his race prematurely.

This is how the moment of advertising and swearing arrives because we no longer understand anything about the race. Paradoxically, the last advertisement to air is that of
Lorenzo and, once we return to the race, we witness Pedrosa overtaking Lorenzo...was it a coincidence? Maybe they warned Lorenzo from the pits that his advert was being aired and he got distracted enough to allow Pedrosa to get in front? These are existential doubts that we will never resolve.

We are halfway through the race: the tires start to have the consistency of chewing gum, the bikes start to slide and Marquez starts to "mark"; Having got rid of Rossi, he wants his pocket money back at all costs and invents overtaking on Lorenzo that isn't possible, he uses the curbs as if they were made of asphalt and shows everyone that he has learned to break away as if there was no tomorrow.
Unfortunately, his enthusiasm causes him to go wide at a corner and everything seems lost, but he recovers everything and the last two laps are a spectacle. The last corner, then, is an almost perfect copy of the overtaking between Rossi and Gibernau which allows Marquez to take second place.

It must be said that Lorenzo complains, yes, but overtaking the material is still not allowed during races (and not even in this reality)! Thus ends a race in which Pedrosa is the winner (he can finally celebrate together with his whole family!), Marquez happy again because now he can buy all the games he bought again.
wants and Lorenzo who must review the basics of Physics well (and stop trying to experience everything he saw in Fringe)
Rossi who apparently is happy to be back in Yamaha (fourth) and Crutchlow who despite the blow is still there, just behind the best.

Daniel “this time I win” Pedrosa, vote: “no come on, don't make fun of me”: after years he wins a race and not even he believes it! Even at Honda they are astonished. He totally deserves a 10; he managed to take advantage of the situation and overtook Lorenzo, managing to gain on every lap. And at the end of the race he candidly admits that he wasn't able to ride exactly as he wanted due to the grip. Thank goodness, we add, otherwise we would have found him on the Moon and he would have come second.
In any case, he wins but no one gets away with it... However, he finishes second behind Marquez's feat, just to make sure he doesn't prove himself wrong.
Vote 10 for the skill with which he gets out of trouble Out of laps.
“We hope you don't give us a diplomatic answer about overtaking Marquez and Lorenzo”
“I haven't seen it yet” is a sly expression that is a whole program.
Genius.

Marc “the curbs are made of asphalt for me” Marquez, rating: 9: the boy really knows what he's doing, give him two more races and he'll raid drivers! Honestly, he could also cause a fire in any garage and he would immediately be forgiven for everything because he is too soft! He also covers his ass in the best way possible. Controversy? Sanctions? Hey Rossi did it before me! . I learned from him! All with an innocent smiley face that normal people lose around the age of 3.
Ah, the circuit fined him because in his rush to pass Lorenzo ignored the signs "no treading on the flowerbeds" and "no spoiling the flowers".

Marc: Dear Einstein, it was nice to study you, but now I don't care about your laws

Jorge Lorenzo, rating: "what happened?": he gets ripped off at the last corner because his knowledge of physics has already been put into oblivion...Lorenzo, we can understand you! Adding insult to injury: he takes second place right on the corner that they named after him the day before.
Vote 10 for diplomacy: in the paddock he rejected Marquez's apologies, but in front of the microphones he preferred not to stir up controversy. Score 10 also for not punching Beltramo for the joke on the last corner.

Valentino Rossi, rating: “the tires don't work”: he wanted to return to Yamaha and it's not clear whether he did well or not, the fact is that even here he struggles to see the podium.

Cal Crutchlow, rating: “Highlander”: he makes two crazy flights in qualifying, but that doesn't stop him. In the race he wants to overtake everyone: first Rossi, then Bautista and then Rossi again, but he can't do it. In response to its fifth place, we point out that the overtaking on the outside was nail biting! And above all that he ran half broken and fought the pain with normal anesthetics...maybe if he had done it the Russian way we would have had more fun though...

Alvaro Bautista, vote: 2: the vote is only for that goatee that sprouted overnight: on Saturday it wasn't there and on Sunday it was there. Girls all over the world don't appreciate it!

Nicky Hayden, rating: 7: it's hard to understand how with a half-broken hand he managed to bring home the same result he does when he's fit...Ducati, something doesn't add up to me!

Michele Pirro, vote 7: he does his first Wild Car race with the Ducati and finishes eighth, not bad!

Aleix Espargarò, I vote 10: always. Today quietly, quietly, at times he got behind Dovizioso who is racing on a MotoGP. He will torment you until the end of the championship: I. I WANT. THIS. LAD. ON. A. MOTOGP.

Andrea Dovizioso, vote 5: you don't like the track. We get it, you've pissed us off by repeating it. The Ducati not Ducata, or perhaps too much Ducata (it wasn't clear), the tires are manufactured by Big Bubble... but this doesn't justify the fact that he sometimes gets them from a CRT.

Dovi&Espargarò Rating: “There were pilots like you”: Nice exchange of compliments on Twitter!

Aleix Espargarò competes with Pirro

Danilo “bin laden” Petrucci, vote: 10: he scores points in the race, and in itself he deserves a 10 given the tricycle he rides on; then as he returns to the pits he is kidnapped by the Mediaset team, still in his overalls and with his helmet on his head. Gthey allow him to take it off and he stoically endures an entire episode of Fuori Giri, wrapped in his tracksuit and still dripping with sweat. Idol.

And now we come to the best moment of the report cards: votes for our guest stars. For the Jerez race we have the contributions of Cecilia (who was sober... perhaps) and Marika's mother. Let's see what happened:

Cecilia, vote: 10 and praise: last week's Spritz is probably still in circulation, and our friend gives us gems that we never expected to hear from her. The topic causing a stir this time is the drivers' butts (a recurring theme of the weekend anyway). His attention falls on those of Pedrosa (who was more successful), Rossi and Marquez.
We two girls don't say anything about the latter so as not to run into any complaints!

Marika's mother, vote: 11: Saturday has become everyone's favorite day; Marika's mother, like her daughter, also gives us some pearls of wisdom and comments on the Crutchlow's bottom. Did you understand?!

Alessio Brunori: vote 2. You went to Jerez and didn't take us... you deserve 0 but you put me in touch with our fantastic photographer and therefore you earn two bonus points.

With this we have concluded and we'll see you next Sunday for the Superbike race in Monza or on the 19th for the Moto GP in Le Mans.
Mari: If they don't arrest us in Monza…

Ah, Debs was forgetting the most important vote: the one to Marika.
Marika, I vote 10: it may have been the mother's influence, but she too indulged in the most shameless comments about butts, particularly Bradl's…Yes Marika, I will make you live with this statement of yours for quite some time! Muahahah
Mari: Debs?
Debs: Yes?
Mari: In my opinion, from next week you'll be taking everything back
Debs: and why should I?
Mari Because we'll see what comes out on Thursday and Friday in Monza!!!

And with these little spites between women we'll see you at the next race!

Gallery Alex Farinelli (vote "What am I telling you to do, it's a 10")
In collaboration with: Deborah Iacopetta