SBK Aragon The Semi-Series Report Cards…when they say seeing green…

Ceci: Good morning! I know you don't know me, or rather you know me as a guest star on report cards, but today the protagonist is me! Who liked the FB page of those two idiots good girls of my friends, you know that they have April Fools' Day and that the good Marco (yes you! Just you!), after falling for it like the apple on Newton's head, wished them a resounding cagotto at the first useful competition... Cagotto who promptly showed up (Marco how did you do it? I've been trying for years!!) and so while the girls are busy in the bathroom, I'm here doing the report cards ... I don't hope to be at their level because I already know I'll be better! Enough chatter, let's get started!
FUCK MARC MARQUEZ!! The Spaniard from the HRC team dominated the MotoG race today too...
Mari: oh, what are you doing?
Ceci: oh, did you survive?
Mari: Yes. After exhausting the entire regional supply of Imodium. What were you writing?
Ceci: the report cards!
Debs: but what does Marc Marquez have to do with it?
Ceci: he won, right?
Debs: um… You got the wrong championship… This was the Superbike…
Ceci: oh… And MarcMarquez didn't win?
Debs: eh, we don't know, he hasn't run yet...
Ceci: but who is in Superbike then?
Debs: Johnny!
Ceci: ahhhh Johnny!!!!
Mari: come on, nothing happened Ceci… However, you were on point, we'll let you write the MotoGP ones if you're good... They're racing tonight... Is that okay?
Ceci: ok… I'll leave the PC with you….
Mari: well, here we go again, we apologize for our friend, sometimes she gets confused...
Debs: yes, things only become clear after a Spritz... We promise that for the MotoGP we will inject her with Spritz intravenously. By the way, seeing what a cool cover we have??
Mari: Certain! Gentlemen, here it is the official and definitive cover of the 2014 report cards... our designer is that cool guy the adorable son of our boss Alessio!
Mari: let's start?
Debs: yes, but why Race 1 at 10.30? It's too early!! (desperate cry)
Mari: Don't tell Baz, because if he hears you he'll hit you. Imagine that he had to do the warm up at 8.30 in the morning, still with his eyes closed, and without even a coffee first!!!
Debs: then I apologize, at least I got up at 10. But don't you know that 8.30 also exists on Sunday?
Mari: obviously not... after all, for us too it is a time that doesn't sound familiar to us on Sundays...
Debs: then Baz is one of us!! I want his super-megagiant poster in my room!
Mari: with each report card we degenerate more and more… Who knows if we will ever hit rock bottom…
Debs: =( I'm so good
Mari: here, exactly…

RACE 1
After a pre-race dedicated exclusively to Baz who doesn't know 8.30 in the morning (in France, after hearing the interview, they have abolished them) and to the type of tires that each rider will use (a question that has not received an answer from any rider other than from Badovini who responds with: "I use the all black and round ones") (Debs: a thousand thousand points to Badovini just for this joke. Mari: add another thousand thousand!) the pilots decide it's time to leave. Saiz starts from Saiz, followed by Baz, Giugliano, Gionni, Guintoli, Melandri and Carlos Davies (Mari: but it wasn't Chaz Checa? Debs: muahahahaha). The first three go away, cheerfully and beautifully not caring about the other 30 drivers on the track. In the meantime, the Aprilias decide to commit suicide on each other, just because they know that their race will really cause shit everywhere. The murder attempts by Melandri against Guintoli, and vice versa, lead, in addition to an investigation by the Spanish police for attempted murder, also to Gionni's distancing from all the others and to doing a solo race at fourth place.
The following laps are dedicated to Giugliano: we are all waiting for him to do some shit; fortunately he doesn't do any bullshit (at least for now), but It stuffs Baz like a lizard stuffs itself into a 10mm diameter hole and takes second position (Mari: what ugly metaphors you make. Debs: what do you expect, I woke up at 10! I'm like Baz: I'm not very creative on Sunday morning.) Saiz continues to act like a clown: hammering out fast times and goes off alone to finish the race half an hour early because he can't wait to take a dip in the ocean. Baz doesn't want to know about being in third position and takes second place again (logically the overtaking had to take place during the square). With 6 laps to go the movement in the top positions starts again with Chaz Checa overtaking Melandri and, around the tenth position, there are continuous overtakings between the "tamarro inside" Toni Elias (Debs: but what glasses did he have? Mari; well to me it looked like a cross mask with two temples instead of the elastic, but hypotheses are open), Haslam, Laverty and Lowes.
The Aprilias, just to reiterate the concept that they really suck in race 1 (in case anyone hasn't figured it out yet), are overtaken by: Davies, Laverty, also in "great shape" this morning (a bit like the Aprilia) and the tamarro on duty Elias. Thus we arrive at the last lap where the positions now seem frozen: Saiz first, followed by Baz, Giugliano, Gionni and other names of people who are on the track just for. However, you feel that something is missing from the race, some sensational fall, one of those science fiction ones, so much so that you wonder why this event occurred, especially given that Giugliano and Rea are now increasingly closer...and we know that with them, that is, something is bound to happen. In fact, the shot switches to the duel for third position: the one between our favorite kamikazes. In the middle of the straight Rea overtakes the Ducati rider and, at the left bend…. TAAAAAAC: Giugliano, wanting to cause some fracture to Gihonni, commits suicide by sending everything to the dunghill. We two girls we heard the blasphemies of the Ducati garage even at home! Thus ends a race that brings our beloved Gihonni to third place!! Oh just for the record, Sykes went to take a shower, while Baz lay down in the parc fermé to take a nap, to recover from the early morning wake-up call.

Like in elementary school...in order of height!

Race 2 can be summarized thus: Saiz in front, everyone else behind. Purr, purr, purr,………………………………
Mari: oh, Debs, wake up!!
Debs: Why? Anyway, there are the Ninjas in front...
Mari: oh no, that is, yes, but Melandri has stepped in and wants to be the cool guy on duty.
Debs: how did Melandri get in? I remained with Gihonni third, the two Aprilias and Giugliano.
Mari: that was the beginning. You're lost too the curve that Davies made with the bike on the ground: he wanted to maintain his position at all costs even though the motorbike no longer had a motor and could be used as a surfboard. However, I can say that you are not the only one who fell asleep, even Meda and Biaggi realized after twenty-fourteen laps that Melandri had passed Baz.
Ceci: is MarcMarquez here now?
Debs&Mari: no, we told you it's tonight!!
Ceci: I'll retreat to my quarters, then.
Debs: We have to stop, we have to start giving her Spritz instead of water.
Mari: decidedly. Anyway, we were talking about the race, now Melandri wants to fool everyone. Too bad he also does the usual hat and goes wide... And he goes back to being third. But he had it, he could do it. Everyone believed it, even Capirossi.
Debs: what does Capirossi have to do with it?
Mari: this is Ceci's fault, the MotoGP disease attacked me!
Debs: oh Holy Madonna!! Help!!!!!!!
Mari: oh well anyway, a lightning duel for first position, until Melandri went wide. So everything ends like race 1, only third place changes.

Loris “I want to sleep on Sunday morning” Baz, vote: 11: in the warm up he had alarmed everyone. Oh god, why was it so slow? Has Kawasaki become a Kawasaki again? Is sick? Naaa…. the good Frenchman was only sleepy! After all, he is young, Saturday was an evening... then you can explain to him that it has to be at 8:30 with your seat on the bike and give it some gas... Luckily before the races he takes an intravenous dose of caffeine and takes home two second places, which for someone who found himself on this bike almost by chance is not exactly peanuts...

Tommasino “I'm going faster than even Mincallmarquez” Sykes, rating: 10: in race 1 he is in very poor condition, starts like a rocket and he meets everyone directly under the podium, yes the one after race 2. In the second heat Melandri tries to keep up with him, to pull him down, to run him over or knock him down, but he is forced to give up... the Kawasaki flies, but the rider also puts his own spin on it! (Debs: I want to make a petition to see Tommasino race on the Ninja together with MinchiaMarcMarquez. Mari: yes, and maybe let's also include Ghost Riders, the Horsemen of the Apocalypse and BikerMice…)

Since I have number 1 on the bike, I have to finish first!

Gionni “every now and then a hint” Rea, vote: 7: in race 1 he is really competitive and takes home a third place fighting tooth and nail, but without killing anyone (on his own initiative). Second race a little dull... shame because the boy is smart, but he doesn't apply himself!

Marco "I want a nickname too” Melandri, vote: 7: the same argument made for Rea is also valid for him. It will be the absence of the Manu (Debs: no, that sends the male fans into crisis, not Melandri. Mari: well sexual blackmail is not negligible), or it's Aprilia, who like Baz would like to sleep on Sunday morning, but in race 1 you can hardly see it. He recovers in race 2, but if he aims for the world championship he must do better!

I win, I win, I win….oooopss…I came long

Ayrton “black and round tires” Badovini, vote: 10: the vote is only for the joke made to Beltramo about the tires: Beltramo: “so, which tires will you use?” Badovini: “the black and round ones”. Deb laughed at that joke for three hours (Mari: should we worry? Debs: Why? Mari: because it was a bit of a lame joke. Debs: but he chose the right time to do it =P ). For him the scores will always be high, because for now with Bimota he can win all the races, but he doesn't take home any points...at least we want to give him some satisfaction!

Davide “Maybe I do everything right” Giugliano, vote: 6: in race 1 he was doing everything well, he was lapping fast and was fighting for the podium with Rea. We know that with Rea around you don't always go well: Rea takes her curve calm, cheerful and happy, when a wild Giuliano appears to him and tries to jump on his motorbike, ready for the trip out of town together; unfortunately Rea is forced to refuse, Mum doesn't want me to ride around with two people on a scooter! Disappointed Giuliano prefers the path of suicide... Too bad! Two podiums in the two top categories on the same day would have been a great achievement for Ducati!

Paolo “WELCOME BACK!!!” Beltramo: vote 1000: his absence in the paddock was truly felt! Whether it's MotoGP, SBK, losers against idiots, he must be in the paddock! WELCOME BACK!!!

Mari: good, we did it!
Debs: You know I didn't believe it? That is, the idea of ​​having both SBK and MotoGP terrified me... but the time difference actually helps...
Mari: yeah... what do we do now?
Debs: eh what do you want to do? We have to load the chickpea…
Mari: off with the Spritz!!! See you later with the MotoGP Report Cards!

In collaboration with: Deborah Iacopetta